Ladies and Gentlemen of the Wharton Business School's class of '07... love money.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, money would be IT.

The long term benefits of money have been proved by Oprah, Bill Gates, assorted Saudi Arabian sheiks and Paris Hilton, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own experience in amassing money and over one thousand years of being a vengeance demon. Oh yeah - and being sort of dead. But affluent dead.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your money. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your money until it is gone. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of your money and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much accrued interest lay before it and how fabulous you really looked rolling around naked in it.

You are NOT as poor as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to calculate compound interest on an abacus. The real troubles in your money are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. Things like the sudden devaluation of the yen, or the magical emptying of Fort Knox (about which I know nothing).

Do one thing every day that scares you, but make sure your money is FDIC insured.

Sing. Sing songs about money, because they really are the best songs.

Don't be reckless with other people's money, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss. Good dental work ain't cheap.

Don't waste your time on jealousy; just make sure that your outfit is the most expensive one in the room and make sure your makeup is flawless. The race is long, and in the end, dark circles are no one's friend.

Remember compliments you receive, a notebook is good for this. Insults should result is swift and brutal punishment, but remember that blood is hard to get out of cashmere - if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old bank statements, throw away your old love letters.

Stretch. Occasionally buy stocks outside your comfort zone.

Don't feel guilty if you love money more than your husband. The most interesting people I know love money.

Get plenty of calcium - osteoporosis will make your Donna Karan dress hang funny.

Be kind to your accountants, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, never have a joint account. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's - use this to your advantage and hedge your bets when building a diversified portfolio. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. And sex is right up there with money.

Dance. And wear something smashing while doing it.

Read your dividend statements, and punish errors accordingly.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Financial magazines will make you feel brilliant and rich.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good, and inheritance is a great way to build a strong financial future.

Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. After the will is read, have them killed.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young, and you can make good fees for organizing their retirement funds.

Live in New York City once - Wall Street is fun; live in Northern California once, but leave before you get sick of avocados.

Travel. Waiters and concierges can suck up in any language.

Accept certain inalienable truths, money talks. The more money, the louder it talks.

Respect your elders - squeeze them for every morsel of useful financial advice (and the antiques in the homes).

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you both of those things can croak in an instant. A balanced financial plan is forever.

Don't be afraid to change hair colors or brokers frequently.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. This system also works with antiques and cars.

But trust me on the money.