Five Times Rodney Was A Total Tramp.

1. When one of Jeannie's friends inadvertently saw him naked and passed the word about his...attributes.
2. When Rodney decided to test out the concept of bisexuality and systematically slept with every person in his grad school cohort.
3. When Samantha Carter turned him down, Rodney went to a bar in Colorado Springs and had sex in the bathroom with a short-haired, blue-eyed girl. He never even asked her name.
4. Siberia. It was fucking cold, man.
5. Every time John Sheppard asked him to.

1. After Doranda, but only to Radek.
2. When he suspected that Cadman was the person who planted the bomb on Atlantis, but only to Carson, sure that word would get to her.
3. When he told Ronon that the cave was safe. Ronon was unconscious at the time.
4. When he was stuck at the bottom of the ocean, to Sam, who was a hallucination.
5. When he assumed Elizabeth was sleeping with Caldwell and she made the "yuck" face.

1. When he was eleven months old, Rodney looked at his mother and said, "I want a sandwich for lunch." They were the first words he ever spoke.
2. When Rodney was five years old, he informed the kindergarten teacher that 2 is the only even prime number and 6 is the smallest perfect number. She had to look it up.
3. When Rodney was 14 years old, he graduated from high school. One of the jocks gave him a hard time, and Rodney landed a lucky punch that broke the guy's nose.
4. When Rodney was 22 years old, he asked his lab partner to marry him. She said "no" three days later.
5. When he was 36 years old, Rodney kissed John Sheppard in the mess hall. With tongue.

1. When Teal'C and Ronon had lunch and swapped gossip.
2. When the databurst to Earth contained a mission video showing John patting Rodney on the ass as they went through the event horizon.
3. The tattoo.
4. When Sam asked Rodney to have dinner with her and he said, "I already have plans," then smiled at John.
5. The lemon was plastic.

1. McDonald's or Burger King.
2. War and Peace or The Lord of the Rings Trilogy.
3. Stay in Atlantis or move back to Earth. Best 3 out of 5.
4. Whether or not to ask Rodney to join his team.
5. Whether or not to ask Rodney out on a date. Best 5 out of 7.

1. Toe-sucking. It totally grosses John out.
2. Bondage - John can't give up control.
3. Dirty talk. Rodney overthinks it and stammers and John giggles.
4. Semi-public sex. Rodney can't get it up on a balcony, in a transporter or in storage closets, and John has tried.
5. Spanking. It makes John laugh uncontrollably and feel stupid.

1. When his first dissertation advisor (who he fought with for three straight years) clapped him on the shoulder, said "Nice work," and then offered to take a picture with him holding the diploma. The picture is still on his wall.
2. When Radek took over the labs while Rodney was in the infirmary for three weeks and nothing blew up. At least, nothing he knew about.
3. When John gave him a blowjob and was good at it.
4. When John let him be on top the first time they fucked. And the second.
5. When Elizabeth was the first one to forgive him for the Arcturus debacle.

1. That flying toasters screensaver.
2. Banana pudding. Anything other than chocolate or butterscotch is a crime against nature.
3. Colonels who squeeze the toothpaste from the middle and don't put the cap back on.
4. Colonels who take their spanking for doing #3 stoically.
5. Constantly having to assign Simpson, Kavanagh and the new girl with the black hair and the glasses to sewer repair duty for ogling John's ass.

1. Eat at Genghis Cohen.
2. Ride the Ferris wheel on the end of the Santa Monica pier for the 300th time.
3. See an explosion movie at the ArcLight in Hollywood.
4. Take Rodney for a drive up the PCH in a convertible.
5. Sit by the ocean and listen to the waves and think about how different they sound from the waves hitting Atlantis and wish he was at home.

1. The location of his birthmark.
2. That Rodney wishes he could eat key lime pie, because it looks really good.
3. That Rodney sometimes keeps his eyes open when they kiss.
4. That Rodney has memorized the Kama Sutra.
5. That Rodney's a cuddler.

1. Cadman - ballerina (she got over it)
2. Lorne - monkey, because swinging from trees looked cool
3. Elizabeth - a mommy
4. John - pilot (it's all he's ever wanted to do)
5. Rodney - a fireman; then he turned four and wanted to be a pianist

1. Zelenka - write long letters home that he'll never send
2. Elizabeth - Solitaire
3. John - Rodney
4. Rodney - John
5. Carson - Sudoku

• John
  1. Stand up straight.
  2. Laugh silently at Rodney's "people skills."
  3. That thing where he rubs the back of his neck when he thinks about blowjobs.
  4. Look at Rodney's ass. A lot.
  5. Keep an eye on Rodney during missions.
• Rodney
  1. Nothing. He always assumes that John is watching and acts accordingly. Radek wonders why he bends over so much in the lab.

1. Girls' Poker Night - Katie can't bluff for shit, Heightmeyer bluffs too well and Miko doesn't come anymore after the incident with the popcorn.
2. The men - the only straight ones are ugly and the only pretty ones are gay.
3. Supply chain - the Deadalus forgot the Midol. Twice.
4. The food. Yak soup - 'nuff said.
5. Work. There are nowhere near enough opportunities to blow shit up.

1. Evil Overlord/Destroyer of Worlds
2. The half-smile of "You are so fucked."
3. Big, fake "humor the natives even though they're only one step, evolutionarily speaking, from philodendrons. Stupid philodendrons."
4. ZPM
5. "You're a dork, but I love you."

1. Masturbating with a penis is fun.
2. He's in better shape than he thinks he is.
3. That she knows how much Rodney misses his cat.
4. That she knows how much Rodney misses his sister.
5. Meredith.

1. Bates had severe hemorrhoids. Carson wasn't actually all that surprised.
2. Katie Brown is a virgin.
3. John got the space clap. Twice.
4. Lorne has a superfluous nipple.
5. Parrish was born with a tail.

• John
  1. That Rodney wakes up all drooly and crazy-haired.
  2. Rodney's receding hairline.
  3. The fire in Rodney's eyes when he rips somebody a new one. Even when the somebody is John.
  4. That Rodney talks with his mouth full.
  5. Rodney with keyboard marks on his face.
• Rodney
  1. Hairy toes.
  2. The noise John makes when he comes. It sounds like a dying moose.
  3. John's utter laziness.
  4. When John gets the math wrong on purpose.
  5. That John uses a ton of product on his hair and then lies about it.

1. Grinning and shrugging at the person Rodney has just antagonized.
2. Making him beg, thus introducing the word "please" into his vocabulary.
3. Editing most of Rodney's emails with the help of ChuckTech before they go through.
4. Spankings for bad behavior, though the system doesn't work in the least.
5. Careful distribution of chocolate.

1. Weir and Zelenka's first kiss.
2. Her mother being culled.
3. The look on Rodney's face when John told him he loved him for the first time.
4. Bates in his underwear; she's been trying to forget it ever since.
5. Her whole team high on alien roofies and doing the Macarena.

1. He misses his wife.
2. He misses having a Taskmaster to make life simpler.
3. He misses the traditional Satedan dish that was like eggplant parmesan, but not.

1. He does not miss being on the run for seven years.
2. He does not miss the traditional Satedan dish that was exactly like liver and onions.

1. You were right and I was wrong.
2. Go fuck yourself.
3. My God, have you seen the ass on Elizabeth?
4. I have the largest penis in the science department.
5. If you don't get laid soon, you will combust and take the whole city with you.

1. "Defeats three known laws of physics. Try anyway."
2. "No one is that flexible."
3. "Possible spine damage."
4. "Try with Colonel Sheppard. A lot."
5. "Whose leg is that? *draws arrow* Whose arm is that? *draws more arrows* Oh, fuck it."

1. When they both got drunk at the Non-Denominational Winter-Based Observance Party.
2. When they got trapped in the transporter.
3. When they were alone on a balcony for a few minutes.
4. When she visited the lab late one night because she couldn't sleep and he was the only one still there.
5. In the gate room in front of everybody.

1. Rodney's marmot impression.
2. Walking on his hands is only Carson's second best skill.
3. Gourd envy.
4. Teyla got into Lucius' pants. No, seriously, she tried them on.
5. Carson cries like a little girl.

1. Jonny Quest
2. Dr. Who
3. Fox Mulder
4. Spike and/or Angel
5. Starbuck